Missing You

With Abi's passing and funeral being already a month away, I am left to wonder how can this life be so short!I look at her pictures everyday and still have not deleted her phone number and she still remains my facebook friend. I look at her pictures everyday and long to talk with her or get a funny text message that would make me smile. I go through the normal emotions of feelings that at times flood my thoughts and fill my eyes with tears. "What if" remains even though I promised myself that I would not get to this point. I say a prayer that the Lord would send me His peace. And being the merciful and loving God that He is He sends me his Peace and I get through another day. I am thankful to God for the moments, memories, conversations that I hold on to. I hold on to them tightly so they do not fade along with other things that I have already forgotten. I think the quiet moments are the hardest. When the house is silent and I am left to myself with only my thoughts. Days like today when I miss her most seem to be the hardest! Oh Lord I know that she is no longer hurting, but I miss my cousin, I miss my friend! Will you send me your Holy Spirit to comfort me tonight? Thank you for the gift of Life, thank you for my life and the blessings that fill it. My cup runeth over...

Saying Goodbye

It has been a week since my beautiful cousin Abi Lebron (31 yrs old) went home to be with the Lord. Friday is her funeral and I have so many mixed emotions on how to feel and what to say. I have really never lost anyone this close to me so this is all new to me. When I visited her in the hospital for the first time I do have to admit that apart of me could feel that she wasn't going to make it. The guilt set in when she didn't. Memories of us came flooding back of our childhood and growing up together. Yes I know she is in a better place, yes I know I will see her again, but I want her here selfishly for myself. As we all do. As she lay there I wonder, what was she thinking? What was she feeling? Did she hear me whisper in her ear? Did she hear me say I love you? Did she feel my kiss on her cheek? I didn't say goodbye, I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I guess I thought if I didn't say the words then it wasn't final. Once life support was taken off of her, it was no longer than 10 minutes that she took her last and final breath and then Lord took her home. All that was left was her body. A body that no longer worked as it should. It took all this world could take and the Lord said "no more." I find much peace in her passing, but my flesh is selfish wanting only what comes of this earth. Just one more day, one more hour, and one more minute. I have no regrets she knew how much I loved her, but it is so hard to say Goodbye, so maybe I won’t…

Finally

I finally did it! I finished creating this thing called a "blog." It wasn't easy for me. I guess if I was computer smart and had a little patience then it wouldn't be so bad. I am learning and know I will get there and with all things practice makes perfect. I find that I am great at starting something, but struggle in finishing! I aspire to be a finisher. Everything is fun in the beginning, but when it gets going the fun slowly disappears. Then I am left with a chore, something I have to do instead of something I want to do. For example when I decided to start this I was so excited. Then I realized I needed to find a name, then a layout, then share a little about myself. The fun slowly started to disappear. The only thing I could think of was my ADHD was starting to take over me and my focus was completely gone! After two weeks of thinking about it I got over the hurdle of my computer disability and not knowing what name I was going to use or what the end result would be. Like my life I stopped over thinking something so small that I have made so big and decided that I would finish creating my blog. After all I aspire to be a finisher and with that I must finish all the things that I once started.