Saying Goodbye

It has been a week since my beautiful cousin Abi Lebron (31 yrs old) went home to be with the Lord. Friday is her funeral and I have so many mixed emotions on how to feel and what to say. I have really never lost anyone this close to me so this is all new to me. When I visited her in the hospital for the first time I do have to admit that apart of me could feel that she wasn't going to make it. The guilt set in when she didn't. Memories of us came flooding back of our childhood and growing up together. Yes I know she is in a better place, yes I know I will see her again, but I want her here selfishly for myself. As we all do. As she lay there I wonder, what was she thinking? What was she feeling? Did she hear me whisper in her ear? Did she hear me say I love you? Did she feel my kiss on her cheek? I didn't say goodbye, I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I guess I thought if I didn't say the words then it wasn't final. Once life support was taken off of her, it was no longer than 10 minutes that she took her last and final breath and then Lord took her home. All that was left was her body. A body that no longer worked as it should. It took all this world could take and the Lord said "no more." I find much peace in her passing, but my flesh is selfish wanting only what comes of this earth. Just one more day, one more hour, and one more minute. I have no regrets she knew how much I loved her, but it is so hard to say Goodbye, so maybe I won’t…